Cas’s hand slips from Dean’s arm, but he grits his teeth, stepping forward. It’s slotting together in his head, all these loose thoughts, puzzle pieces finally matching up. He knows his eyes are boring into Cas, willing the former angel to look back at him, but he can’t find it in him to care that he’s staring. He just wants him to look at him.
The tulip is forgotten, as is the entire garden, as Dean asks one simple question. “What did you do?” The following silence is punctuated with bird songs and the faint rustle of leaves, trembling in a breeze that raises goosebumps on Dean’s skin though he doesn’t feel it.
His eyes narrow. “Or Sam. One of you did something. You’re not telling me the story.” It just didn’t seem right — that he’d be knocked out cold for several days, only to wake up without a scratch. He remembers things that don’t fit in their version of events.
“What aren’t you telling me?”
Castiel bites it out, voice as stunted as he couldn’t make it to be. He shakes his head. Arms fold. He still can’t look at Dean.
What was he meant to do? Lie? Dean knew something was up. He knows it would have been foolish to even consider that he could hide it all from Dean, and that wasn’t in his intention. He just had no clue how to handle it. He hadn’t let himself think that far; this is when he’d have to face what he’d actually gone and done.
Fingers reach and grasp at Dean’s sleeve, twisting the fabric. The former angel finally throws his gaze at the Winchester, strained.
"You died. For me. Tehhiel - he went to impale me and you pushed me out of the way and he stabbed you instead and - and you died. I couldn’t. I couldn’t.”
He breaths. Lets go of the fabric. Gaze drops. “I couldn’t let you die, Dean.”
It was the first time that Castiel had truly understood grief in such a horrific form. Even for years there was a part of him that didn’t quite grasp why someone would go as far as a demon deal to save another.
Not until he’d held Dean’s corpse. Not until he’d had the guilt of that soul stained on his own. Not until the utter elevation at seeing Dean alive again.
He manages one look at Dean, before his head slumps.
"Too late. A ‘no get out’ clause was -" He murmurs - "part of the deal."